Toxic Waste & Tae Kwon Do

Last night I was talking to my roommate/best friend Bloria (the one that is in Napoleon Dynamite). We weren't talking about much, just shooting the "blank" (I'm trying to cut back on my "profanity"), and she said the strangest thing. She said "I haven't been feeling well for the last couple of days and I started to wonder if it was the inordinate amount of pickles I've been eating." Let me tell you, she has been eating barrels full (apparently they are crunchy and allowed on South Beach Diet Phase I).

So, instead of cutting back on the pickles, she decided to test her theory by finishing off the jar that she apparently bought at one of those warehouse stores. You know the stores I'm talking about, where you can buy a can of tuna big enough to feed a third world country? Well, I guess Bloria's little test kind of back fired...literally. In fact the words "toxic waste" were used.

I have got the best friends in the entire world! Not only do they make me happy and make me a better person for having known them, they give me GREAT stories to tell.

Now that you've met Bloria, let me introduce you to my friend Blrin. Blrin is an extremely intelligent, amazingly gifted person with only one flaw that I know of. She doesn't think before she speaks.

For example:
One night several years ago we were in a car with two other friends on our way home from a party. Blrin was in the front seat and my friend Blelly was driving. Out of the blue, Blelly put on her brakes and started yelling at a girl who was crossing the street without "looking both ways." Now, apparently this girl was of Asian descent because Blrin said to Blelly "She can't understand you, you weren't speaking Tae Kwon Do." After hearing this, the other person who was in the car, Blaig, asked Blrin "What?" So, Blrin repeated herself. "Blelly wasn't speaking Tae Kwon Do"

To that, Blaig asked the obvious question, "As opposed to what? Karate?"

"Blaig," Blrin answered, "I didn't know if she was Chinese or Japanese."

And that my friends, I am NOT making up.